“I’m no use to anyone anymore!”
What to do when chronic illness makes you question your life’s meaning
The other day, Charlene sadly told Dan, “I’m no use to anyone anymore.” Confined to a wheelchair from diabetic neuropathy, Charlene, a former nurse, was convinced that her life no longer had meaning. “I still want to make a contribution, but my health makes that impossible.”
“When chronic illness makes it difficult or even impossible to do what you used to do, your self-esteem and self-worth can take a beating.” Dan said. “And yet, whatever losses you’ve experienced, you still have many choices and opportunities. In fact, the experience of chronic illness can actually offer an opportunity to examine your deepest desires and rethink the direction of your life.”
Before people can reclaim a deeply satisfying life, they must overcome their negative, self-limiting thoughts about productivity and worthiness. In fact, many people discover that their negative beliefs are a greater obstacle than chronic illness itself. So Dan’s initial work with Charlene consisted of uncovering the negative beliefs she held about being useful.
Charlene was surprised to discover how often she engaged in “all or nothing thinking.” (Either I’m useful to others, or I’m not useful to others.) She quickly recognized that that were many gradations to being useful, and with Dan’s help, she came up with some helpful responses to counteract her negative thoughts. (I can be valuable to my grandson just by listening attentively to him. There are probably many ways I can be useful to others that don’t involve physical mobility.)
After several sessions, Charlene was confident that she still had much to offer, but she didn’t know what steps to take. So Dan suggested a few sessions of Quick Coaching with Sylvia to explore possibilities and create a step-by-step action plan.
We’ll tell you more about that part of the process in a future blog post - stay tuned!
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