“I don’t want to know if I have MS” - How one woman faced her fear of a definitive diagnosis
When You Have Health Issues that You Can’t Control, Take Control With Daily Self-Care Routines
Dan’s client Betty was afraid to learn whether or not she had multiple sclerosis, so she was avoiding the diagnostic appointments altogether. In their Quick Counseling sessions, she and Dan processed her fears using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques. She felt more confident that she could cope with her illness, and she got her diagnosis. It was MS.
Rather than being devastated, she was surprised to find that she felt liberated. “Now I can decide what treatments to pursue and how to best take care of myself,” she told Dan. She admitted, though, that she also felt very overwhelmed by all the choices that lay ahead. “I don’t know what to do first. How am I going to fit all these new treatments and appointments into my schedule?”
Dan recommended a few sessions of Quick Coaching with Sylvia. This would give her the support she needed to determine health care goals, establish self-care routines, and build a support network.
During their first session, Sylvia asked Betty, “What would help you feel more in control of your life right now?” Betty immediately answered, “I need to figure out how to fit all the new health-care activities into my schedule. I’m supposed to do special exercises, take medications, nap, in addition to all my usual responsibilities. ”
Simple routines for morning, afternoon and evening self-care
Sylvia explained that one way to reduce overwhelm is to establish simple routines for morning, afternoon and evening self-care. “When you follow a daily routine, you get into the habit of doing the same thing, at the same time, and this saves time and energy, since there is no need to think about what needs to be done. You already know what you have to do, and you do it.” Betty thought routines sounded like a good idea, but she wasn’t’ really convinced that she could stick to them.
Over the next few weeks, Sylvia assisted Betty in taking small, consistent steps toward developing routines to help her feel more in control. She asked Betty to list the top three things she needed to do each morning, afternoon, and evening to feel her best.
More time for you means more for others
When Betty felt guilty about scheduling a 30-minute nap each afternoon and 20 minutes of “free time” each evening, Sylvia reminded her that making her needs a priority would help her feel better physically and emotionally, which would allow her to be more available to others in the long run.
Within a month, Betty reported feeling less overwhelmed. Her routines returned a sense of order to her life and ensured that her basic health needs were being met. “When I stick to my routines,” she said, “I feel calmer and more in control. I can’t think of an easier way to boost my energy and save time.”
Create Your Own Daily Self-Care Routine in 3 Simple Steps
1. Complete each sentence below. Feel free to add one or two additional activities to each sentence, but do not exceed five tasks per line.
To feel my best, I must _________ and ________ every morning.
To feel my best, I must _________ and ________ every afternoon.
To feel my best, I must _________ and ________ every evening.
To feel my best, I must _________ and ________ several times a week.
2. Print out or draw a blank weekly calendar. Divide each day into 3 sections: Morning, Afternoon and Evening. Under each section, list your “to feel my best” activities from the statements above. Then list the activities that you want to do on a weekly basis under specific days.
3. Add times of day beside each activity to help you stay accountable.
Here’s an example of what one daily routine might look like.
Monday morning:
7:00 - Wake up
7:15 - Shower
8:00 - Take meds
8:15 - Breakfast
9:00 - Exercise
Monday afternoon:
11:30 - Lunch
12:30 -Nap
Monday evening:
5:30 - Meditate
6:00 - Dinner
7:30 - Journal
Remember that creating a routine habit takes time. So don’t get discouraged if you’re only able to perform one or two activities from your morning, afternoon or evening routine on a daily basis. That’s just fine! It’s far more important to learn how to pace yourself and build rest periods into your day, than it is to get through all the activities. Remember that your underlying goal is to replace chaos and overwhelm with peace and order.
“I don’t want to know if I have MS” – How one woman faced her fear of a definitive diagnosis
Betty began seeing Dan for Quick Counseling because she was anxious and depressed over a possible multiple sclerosis diagnosis. Her primary care doctor had referred her to a major medical center, but Betty could not force herself to make the necessary appointments to determine whether her physical symptoms were signs of MS.
“I don’t want to know if I have MS,” she told Dan at her first appointment. “I won’t be able to deal with it if I do have it, so it’s better not to know.” Dan told Betty that he understood her fears. He then suggested that they use a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tool to help her evaluate the pros and cons of getting an official diagnosis.
Fear of the unknown
With Dan’s help, Betty listed all the drawbacks and benefits of getting a diagnosis. As she looked over her list, Betty said, “I guess there are some good reasons to get a diagnosis. But I’m still really scared of what’s going to happen.” This is natural, since fear of the unknown can be more devastating than reality. Dan reassured her that he could teach her ways to reduce her fears, and that he’d be there to support her if she in fact did have MS.
During the two weeks leading up to her medical evaluation, Dan helped Betty pinpoint the negative thoughts that were triggering her fears about a positive diagnosis. Once her fears were out in the open (I’ll be housebound. I’ll be completely unable to pursue the things I love to do.), Dan used several Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to reduce their power over Betty.
Challenging the negative thoughts
As Betty learned to challenge each negative thought with a new thought that was more positive and realistic (There’s no way to know how quickly MS might progress. I might go into remission. Even if I can’t do everything I love, I’d probably still be able to do many things for quite a while.), her anxiety began to lift. By the time she went for her evaluation, Betty felt much more confident about her ability to handle whatever lay ahead.
-
The NEW! CI Coaching book that changes lives
Don't Let Chronic Illness Stand in Your Way: The Coach Approach to Reaching Your Full Potential
__________________________