Finding New Ways to Contribute to the World When You’re Living With Chronic Illness
Charlene initially worked with Dan in Quick Counseling, to address her negative beliefs and the sense that because of her chronic illness she was no use to the world. With Dan’s help, she learned how to replace those beliefs with self-nurturing thoughts, and now she was ready to explore new ways to contribute to the world.
In their Quick Coaching, Sylvia’s initial work with Charlene focused on helping her identify her deepest values - those qualities and attributes that mattered most to her. Charlene was relieved to discover that she was still who she’d always been — someone who valued creativity, connection, and learning.
Contemplating her values, Charlene realized she wanted to share her love of learning with young people. After contacting several local school principals, she joined a volunteer literacy program and began reading to first graders twice a week. Although this new endeavor required time, effort, and planning, Charlene was thrilled to discover a new sense of fulfillment and purpose as she interacted with the children.
Four simple steps for discovering your contribution to the world
1. What do I want to contribute? Imagine that you could do absolutely anything you wanted to contribute to the world. Now, take out a piece of paper and write down as much as you can about your ideal contribution. Pretend there are no obstacles in your way as you consider the following questions:
• What do I want to do? (e.g., teach, fundraise, help animals, protect the environment, share your expertise, interact with others)
• How do I want to feel? (e.g., connected, excited, grateful, appreciated)
• Where do I want to be? (e.g., office, park, school, zoo)
• Who would I want to be with? (e.g., with - or –; with people who are funny, smart, caring, or cooperative)
• What are the logistics? (e.g., number of hours per week or month, amount of physical activity, degree of flexibility, amount of structure)
The goal here is to uncover your interests, narrow your focus, and provide a direction for your search. According to experts, simply writing down your intentions and goals greatly increases your chances of actually achieving them.
2. What are the possibilities? Using the information gathered above, choose one area or activity to focus on. (You can always switch gears down the road, so don’t be afraid to make a choice.) List all the actions, activities and strategies you can think of that will bring you closer to your ideal experience. The more ideas you generate, the more likely you’ll actually try some of them. Some possibilities might include playing with kittens at the Humane Society, knitting blankets for children, answering calls on a hotline, writing a blog, making fundraising calls or organizing supplies.
3. What action can I take? Take one step in the direction of what you want to do. You might make a phone call to get information, research possibilities online, or talk to your friends and relatives about what you’d like to do. After each thing you do, ask yourself, “What is my next step?”
4. What resources do I need to make this work? Determine what support services you will need and investigate what’s available. One of the biggest stumbling blocks can be transportation, so check to see whether your community provides transportation services for people with disabilities. Many churches, synagogues or community organizations have lists of volunteers willing to drive or provide other support services.
Throughout this process, you’ll end up collecting ideas, making contacts and broadening your horizons. You might not get where you thought you were going, but you could wind up somewhere better. Best of all, you’ll experience the satisfaction of adding meaning to your life and the lives of others.
“I’m no use to anyone anymore!”
What to do when chronic illness makes you question your life’s meaning
The other day, Charlene sadly told Dan, “I’m no use to anyone anymore.” Confined to a wheelchair from diabetic neuropathy, Charlene, a former nurse, was convinced that her life no longer had meaning. “I still want to make a contribution, but my health makes that impossible.”
“When chronic illness makes it difficult or even impossible to do what you used to do, your self-esteem and self-worth can take a beating.” Dan said. “And yet, whatever losses you’ve experienced, you still have many choices and opportunities. In fact, the experience of chronic illness can actually offer an opportunity to examine your deepest desires and rethink the direction of your life.”
Before people can reclaim a deeply satisfying life, they must overcome their negative, self-limiting thoughts about productivity and worthiness. In fact, many people discover that their negative beliefs are a greater obstacle than chronic illness itself. So Dan’s initial work with Charlene consisted of uncovering the negative beliefs she held about being useful.
Charlene was surprised to discover how often she engaged in “all or nothing thinking.” (Either I’m useful to others, or I’m not useful to others.) She quickly recognized that that were many gradations to being useful, and with Dan’s help, she came up with some helpful responses to counteract her negative thoughts. (I can be valuable to my grandson just by listening attentively to him. There are probably many ways I can be useful to others that don’t involve physical mobility.)
After several sessions, Charlene was confident that she still had much to offer, but she didn’t know what steps to take. So Dan suggested a few sessions of Quick Coaching with Sylvia to explore possibilities and create a step-by-step action plan.
We’ll tell you more about that part of the process in a future blog post - stay tuned!
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