“I Can’t Live Like This!”
What to Do When Chronic Illness
Steals Your Stamina & Shreds Your Patience
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If — like our client Alicia with fibromyalgia — you try to accomplish as much as possible whenever you are symptom-free . . . only to spend days recuperating afterwards . . . Therapist Dan and Coach Sylvia of Feel Better Now-CI can help you find a better way. Using their Quick Counseling + Coaching methods, you’ll not only complete your “Do” list with ease, you’ll free your energy for all the things you truly love to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Late last week, a new client named Alicia — a fifty-one-year-old woman with fibromyalgia — was referred to us by her physician, Dr. Scott (we’ve changed both names to ensure their privacy). Dr. Scott wanted us to help Alicia with recurring lifestyle challenges brought on by her chronic illness.
“I can’t stand living like this!” Alicia exclaimed, when we asked what prompted her call. One recent Friday, knowing her college-age sons were coming home for the weekend, Alicia spent hours shopping for food and hours more preparing their favorite lasagna dinner. The next day, she could hardly enjoy their visit because of a painful flare up in her symptoms.
This wasn’t the first time Alicia had overexerted herself only to regret it the next day. In fact, it was a cyclical pattern. “When I feel good, I want to catch up on things, to make up for when all I can do is rest,” she explained. ”But I always pay for it later.”
We decided that Alicia would benefit from working first with Dan. He could help her identify hidden thoughts and beliefs — since these are usually the driving force behind a pattern of overexertion and painful payback.
As Dan asked Alicia questions, it became clear that several underlying fears were to blame. If she didn’t go all out for her sons, Alicia feared, they wouldn’t want to visit her. Even worse, they’d think she didn’t care. Oddly enough, she had never articulated these fears, and barely knew that she felt them.
But once they were out in the open, Dan used several Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques (Quick Counseling) to help reduce their power over Alicia. As she felt her old, partially hidden fears pop like soap bubbles, Alicia was not only relieved, she realized that overdoing and recuperating wasn’t her only option. She could choose to do something else, instead.
Asking more questions, Dan learned that Alicia still felt a little “wobbly” about acting on her new realization. So he recommended a few sessions of Quick Coaching with CI Life Coach Sylvia. This would give Alicia the support she needed to create new choices, and the strategies she needed to carry them out.
Sylvia began Alicia’s first session by using the most recent overexertion and recuperation cycle as a starting point. “What do you most look forward to when your sons are coming to visit?” Alicia didn’t hesitate. ”All of us being together as a family — my husband and I, and the boys — and telling stories, eating dinner, maybe going to a movie.”
“What could you have done differently,” Sylvia asked, “so you’d enjoy their visit, instead of being in pain?” Alicia sighed. “I could have rested instead of cooking on Friday. I always rest before special events, but my fears told me to cook for my sons. I could have ordered food instead of cooking. They would have enjoyed that nearly as much, and I wouldn’t have been in such pain.”
How could Alicia make different choices, going forward? Sylvia suggested that, before any activity, Alicia decide what she hoped to experience. And then create a “Do” list of no more than four tasks that would support her goal.
In the situation with her sons, Alicia’s list might have read: Ordering food for dinner, stocking her sons’ favorite beverages and snacks, getting their rooms in order, and taking several long naps on the Friday before they arrived. Alicia was amazed that the solution was so simple.
After a few more sessions, she realized that planning around her priorities not only worked. It gave her new energy to pursue the photography she loved but hadn’t been able to find the time or stamina for. Until now, that is. She couldn’t wait to try out her energy-enhancing skills, so she could take short field trips with her camera gear.
Five Simple Steps for Getting Started on Your Own:
1. Think of a situation in which you usually do too much and always feel terrible the next day.
2. Ask yourself, What’s the worst thing that could happen, if I don’t get everything done? Write your answers down.
3. Spend a few minutes focusing on each answer while asking this question: Is this really true? Then ask: What’s the kindest, most forgiving-of-myself way to restate this situation?
(For instance, Alicia, above, loved her sons and wanted to do something special for them. But mistreating herself cancels out her good intentions. Instead, she could tell herself, My sons will know I love them if I enjoy their visit. And that means being sure I have the energy to spend time with them.)
4. Finally, list all the options you can think of — the more the better — for handling this situation in a way that doesn’t compromise your health (like Alicia’s best option of ordering food instead of cooking, you might hire someone to do your preparation work, spread your work over a full week, or choose a less strenuous activity altogether).
5. Put one of your new options into practice. See how it works out. Make adjustments afterwards, if there are things you weren’t completely satisfied with. Or, try another option. Keep experimenting. Remember that the underlying goal is to enhance your health and happiness.
Once you’ve tried the do-it-yourself steps above, you may be interested in some additional help for resolving your doing-too-much challenges. Sometimes, a longstanding issue requires an extra boost to move out of our lives.
You can sign up for a free initial phone consultation with Therapist Dan or Coach Sylvia by clicking here, on Free Initial Consult. We look forward to talking with you.
-
The NEW! CI Coaching book that changes lives
Don't Let Chronic Illness Stand in Your Way: The Coach Approach to Reaching Your Full Potential
__________________________